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From White Patches, Stigma And Prejudice That Broke My Engagement To A Fair Justice

Jul 20, 2016 by Uday Jul 20, 2016 49 Comments

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by Ankita Goje

I (Ankita Goje) completed M.Tech (structural engineering) in 2012 and was looking forward to settle down. Like every other girl, since my childhood, I always loved to dream of my marriage. I dreamt of the nine yards saree that I would wear on my wedding day, the matching jewellery and ofcourse a caring husband beside me. But, at the same time, my father was always worried about my marriage.

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He worried of my white patches. These white patches are known as leucoderma (vitiligo). These are irregular white de-pigmented patches that develop on skin. He knew how insensitively our society behaves towards a person who is suffering from Vitiligo, educated or not! A black spot on white skin is appreciated but not white spot on black skin. These patches had ruined many marriages, shattered many hearts and broke many engagements, one of them being my own engagement.

ankita gojeSoon after my MTech, my marriage was fixed with a doctor. My father believed the boy being a doctor would certainly understand my condition. I was on cloud nine, as if a fairy tale come true. Just a couple of months and the wedding date was fixed. But to my dismay, he turned out to be a different person. I was often abused with vulgar words. I was labeled with filthy names. Every now and then he showed me as if he was doing a favour on me by marrying a girl like me.

I just wanted his love, care, and attention. But with every phone call I feared what new words are stored in his dictionary. I was losing my confidence, my self-respect. Just ten days ahead n my wedding day was approaching. All the shopping, hall decorations were done and booked. Invitation cards were posted to relatives. But I decided to take a stand, speak up and call off the wedding. I am blessed with great parents who supported me.

But then, it’s the society that brings more betrayal and disappointments. Many left me half way, many turned away when I needed them. According to them, it is very natural that a boy will lose interest in a girl like me because I have patches. People felt pity for the boy. My identity was being lost. I was shunned and abandoned only because of white patch. My external beauty was being judged neglecting my purity of heart. I was questioned, criticized, blamed, and taunted. Life seemed to be silent like a graveyard. It was a mental torture. Stigma was attached, a girl with broken engagement because of her patches. All I could do is, pick up my broken pieces, not look back and walk away. I avoided social gatherings and started staying aloof.

But God had some other plans for me. Three months later, one girl approached me. She was his girlfriend and was pregnant from him. He denied accepting her because she belonged from a class that society categorizes as lower category. She was abandoned by her family as the society cannot accept an unmarried pregnant woman; for they believe it is solely the fault of the woman. She was helpless and lonely. I decided to help her. It took us one month to register an FIR (First Information Report). He was soon arrested. Charge sheets prepared, then the court proceedings. People now believed me, it was not my patches but a wrong person that led me to quit the wedding. After four long awaited years, a fair justice was done with the judgement being in our favour. It was a long struggle. A struggle for self respect, self esteem and most importantly a struggle against the stereotypes and stigma attached with my patches.

I am no longer the naive Ankita now. I have my own goals and dream, a dream to join Civil Services, so that I can serve as many women, downtrodden and helpless people in the society. God has been very kind to me and He shall definitely help me reach my destination. I have an excellent family and friends who trust me and will not hesitate to help me if I am in trouble. Their unconditional love has never made me think of myself as blemished. I am not dependent on anyone for emotional or financial support and that has given me enormous strength. I am now ready to face the world, determined to stand on my feet and build a new life for myself

But today at this point of my life, I have a question to all of you. Do the patches really matter to have a happy married life? What is the guarantee that it cannot be develop to any normal human at any stage? Why are we categorized and prejudiced? Does the external beauty define the real beauty of a woman? We think we know all about beauty, but we fail to understand that external beauty is just short lived. Even the most beautiful people change as they grow older. But the beauty of an individual’s nature is permanent. One’s Beauty is seen in one’s nature. A compassionate, caring and understanding person should always be cherished and honoured.

We would like to salute to the courage shown by Ankita and her parents who have supported her in her wise decision. We wish this brave girl a life full of success and glory.

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Comments

  1. Muna says

    Jul 15, 2018 at 11:27 AM

    Hi Ankita

    Muna here …I have trying to contact you since a long time ..I am certainly into the same shit you were into ..
    Please reach me back
    [email protected]

    Reply
  2. SUDHIR BORATE says

    Jun 17, 2018 at 8:05 AM

    Ankita you have done a great job, and hope will be continue . I salute to you and your family.

    Reply
  3. Gajanan Varne says

    May 21, 2018 at 10:20 PM

    Hats of…

    Reply
  4. arvind says

    Jan 31, 2018 at 11:52 PM

    Ankita i m with u wen ever needed
    U r brave n true hearted

    Reply
  5. Manasi says

    Jan 31, 2018 at 8:55 PM

    Bravo…felt both inspired and hopeful! Stay strong…stay bold, stay blessed. And remember everyone is beautiful!

    Reply
  6. shravan says

    Jan 31, 2018 at 3:27 PM

    Ankita i need ur help

    Reply
  7. S Duggani says

    Jan 31, 2018 at 1:30 PM

    Great tale of bravery. Ankita you are a best inspiration for women in India. Please don’t suffer in silence ladies please stand against injustice and horrible people.

    Reply
  8. James says

    Jan 31, 2018 at 12:08 PM

    That was so inspirational for other girls in the society who are looked down upon. Now, they can see you stand up against the evil.

    Reply
  9. Balappa says

    Jan 31, 2018 at 9:47 AM

    Its the awesome thing u did n the patches u told can be cured n happens to everyone thts common.. thts th bless of god u were saved by cruel person…

    Reply
  10. Modi Bhakth says

    Jan 30, 2018 at 11:20 PM

    Well done
    U r brave
    God has some other plans for u
    And definitely de r very big plans
    All marry and live normal life but god has given u great opportunity
    Well done Civil girl

    Reply
  11. Nilesh Anvekar says

    Jan 30, 2018 at 11:01 PM

    Huge respect for you and your family. I Salute you ???

    Reply
  12. Imtiyaz says

    Jan 30, 2018 at 10:36 PM

    Salute for ur confidence and courage…

    Reply
  13. Sudhir says

    Jan 30, 2018 at 8:49 PM

    Appreciate your work.Best example for the society.

    Reply
  14. Vinayak Patil says

    Jan 30, 2018 at 8:44 PM

    Well done and nice decision….god bless u dear…!!

    Reply
  15. vishal sadalge says

    Jan 17, 2017 at 11:00 PM

    Welcome 2 new & your own life

    Reply
  16. Anita Kulkarni says

    Jan 17, 2017 at 9:35 PM

    Dear Ankita,

    So very proud of you, I can say with pride in my heart you are from my city. I wish you all the best in any task you take. Please feel free to reach out to me if you are doing any NGO kind of work and need any financial support. Your story reminded me of a novel written by Smt. Sudha Murthy in kannada “Maha Shwete”. That is another person you can approach for guidance to NGO kind of work.

    -Anita

    Reply
  17. Chetan says

    Jan 16, 2017 at 11:49 PM

    Well done sister keep up the good work. God bless you..

    Reply
  18. Sumit N. Kakade says

    Jan 16, 2017 at 7:36 PM

    A Big Salute to you…
    You are a Brave Girl,
    If all the girls had this courage and patience then i believe, every Girl will be leading a respectable and fearless life.
    God bless.

    Reply
  19. Rohit as Pintu says

    Jan 16, 2017 at 6:39 PM

    I am Rohit my no is 09449014463 I am a soldier and I salut Ankita on her bravery and if anyone is there who needs any kind of help then please feel free to talk to me we all can teach a good way to all bad people’s.

    Reply
  20. Prajakta shahapurkar says

    Jan 16, 2017 at 6:08 PM

    Awesome very brave girl you are marriage is not the ultimate destination the fight which you gave is more important i salute you .

    Reply
  21. Anuradha Desai says

    Jan 16, 2017 at 6:03 PM

    Proud of you ankita…..

    Reply
  22. Sameena Attar says

    Jan 16, 2017 at 4:39 PM

    Comment:hatss of u dear…feeling proud…Allah bless u dear…best of luck for ur dreams….:)

    Reply
  23. . says

    Jan 16, 2017 at 3:18 PM

    Bold Girl, All the best for your future. Still helpful people exist, so don’t worry u will succeed. God Bless You.

    Reply
  24. Mitesh G Pednekar says

    Jan 16, 2017 at 2:03 PM

    Great job Ankita mam and the person should be good by heart nt by their face ….All the best for ur furture …

    Reply
  25. Gilbert crasta says

    Jul 23, 2016 at 1:15 AM

    Di I’m Gilbert. We were sitting and praying in KLE hospital..great Di..congrats…n be bold

    Reply
  26. vinay kaveri says

    Jul 22, 2016 at 12:10 AM

    Wish u good luck and all the best for ur civil service exam dear

    Reply
  27. Mahesh Prajwal says

    Jul 21, 2016 at 8:39 PM

    Everyone, whether male or female or transgender should not care what people think about their physical appearance … One should should worry only about one thing … living life and making memories … Very Proud of you Ankita Goje …

    Reply
  28. Umesh B.Havannavar says

    Jul 21, 2016 at 4:24 PM

    Gr8 Wish You a Good luck , we all pray for your dream come true – God Bless

    Reply
  29. Mudassar says

    Jul 21, 2016 at 3:09 PM

    Bravo, some decisions are hard and taking them requires stronger people, which you are indeed. Inspiring tale to help and inspire others in similar situation. But before that, being part of society we should understand the importance of having good human beings around us and not just beautiful/handsome faces

    Reply
  30. tp says

    Jul 21, 2016 at 8:14 AM

    This only happnes in India, Pakistan,Nepal,Srilanks and Bangladesh.

    The reason is the mentality of people has not developed yet.If only they could see above beauty, then this will never be a problem.

    Reply
  31. Dr Akash says

    Jul 21, 2016 at 7:38 AM

    Superb you are awesome!! Bravo!!! Very soon you will reach your dream.

    Reply
  32. Avani says

    Jul 21, 2016 at 3:52 AM

    Hey buddy don’t bother much about society … It forgets everything after seeing your success.wush you all the very best

    Reply
  33. Abhijeet S P says

    Jul 20, 2016 at 11:28 PM

    Hats off to you,,god bless you

    Reply
  34. vijay chavan says

    Jul 20, 2016 at 11:22 PM

    Proud of ur decision. Every problem when tackled leads u to ur actual goal in lief for which ur born. Serve the needy. God bless you . Keep moving

    Reply
  35. Mudassar says

    Jul 20, 2016 at 11:16 PM

    Wow,,,I didn’t see tat coming ….so coward of him making women pregnant and abandoning and accusing them,,,wat a jerk

    Reply
  36. SANTOSH P PUJARI says

    Jul 20, 2016 at 9:06 PM

    Vitiligo is not an incurable disease. there are many incidents reported in the newspaper wherein persons suffering from the same have recovered with homeopathic treatment. you can try it

    Reply
    • Shruthi. S says

      Feb 13, 2018 at 6:50 PM

      Sir, please suggest the homeopathic treatment in Bangalore. I have White patches little on my ankles but the boys who come to see have ignored me after showing them.

      Reply
  37. ashwin says

    Jul 20, 2016 at 5:11 PM

    Dude you would have done a great deal if you would have openly told the person’s name.. Probably you would have saved someone else too from going through the same pain you went through..

    Reply
  38. Leena Topannavar says

    Jul 20, 2016 at 4:17 PM

    Bravo….proud of u. I appreciate ur bold step, it takes lots of guts in a male dominated society… The so called society never bothers pain, struggle, failure, the agony, trauma one goes through in tough times especially when a lady has any physical problem . Bend or break the society which does not have heart. God bless u and all best for a very bright future.

    Reply
  39. Chetan says

    Jul 20, 2016 at 2:44 PM

    Ankita You are doing good in Life. You need not worry about the society. You have not done any thing wrong. God Bless you.

    Reply
  40. Seema says

    Jul 20, 2016 at 2:27 PM

    You are a very strong and brave young lady. You will inspire many women who would be stuck by similar society norms. Well done. Hats off to you ?

    Reply
  41. Altaf Ahamed says

    Jul 20, 2016 at 2:15 PM

    God bless You

    Reply
  42. Vijay gudadari says

    Jul 20, 2016 at 1:31 PM

    Dear ankita

    Really u taken good step and all the best for ur future,

    I have request for u we are planning to start girl school in belgaum and it’s totally different from other school and we have women group and we are doing social work for women’s so if u have any suggestions pls u can share with us

    Thanks

    Reply
    • Ankita Goje says

      Jul 23, 2016 at 12:11 PM

      Definitely sir.. I will be happy to help

      Reply
  43. Avinash says

    Jul 20, 2016 at 12:44 PM

    Hey u don’t need answers from so called society…u just gave an answer to their problems… good going…

    Reply
  44. YY says

    Jul 20, 2016 at 11:51 AM

    No words can appreciate you & your righteous nature (gods gift).
    Best of Luck for your future endeavors.

    Reply
  45. Rohini Patil says

    Jul 20, 2016 at 11:40 AM

    God bless this brave girl for taking bold step….n standing for herself. Gr8 going young lady!……u r an example for many young girls.

    Reply
  46. Sundar Latkan says

    Jul 20, 2016 at 11:39 AM

    It’s difficult to digest…. My one child hood friend also suffering from similar stage.. Handsome man ..at 40 now .working in MNC but due to white patch still unmarried

    Reply
    • Atit says

      Jul 20, 2016 at 11:57 AM

      Tell him to go consult a dermatologist. It can be cured

      Reply

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