by Dr.Madhav Prabhu
My life is fantastic, my life is happening and rocking in Belagavi, the cozy little town and all this because of a small lifestyle device we call the mobile phone. I am on the phone for a lot of time and I get all I want on the mobile, you could not have asked for more.
My life starts early in the morning, it starts with a sense that I have five thousand friends, well on Facebook and all of them have a happening life. Facebook gives us all so much joy. I can share everything I want to tell the world on it.
You know the posts that we find sometimes, its full of how a daughter or son got the first prize in the fancy dress competition or even how much he/she love his spouse, I mean yes i have to know how my friends children are doing in their extracurricular activities and how much he loves his wife, his loyalty is in grand display.
I also see the world through the travel and food posts of my friends and so I do not have to travel all the way to see that place carrying heavy luggage and I am sure all I will do once I am there is click photos for my friends to see.
And then there are posts of the parties I missed in the night, it’s a little thing to be jealous of but then I can be part of the party virtually and still not have a hangover the joy of being in a celebration is now old and out of fashion. And then there are so many wishes on Facebook especially on your birthdays, that you feel you are so popular, it also saves the cakes and the gifts, the old fashion handshakes, birthday bumps, and gifts and return gifts are so passe, also when someone dies everyone wishes whether you know the person on not just add a rip and it’s almost the same as visiting a funeral, the emotions of the family, the gentle patting of the back, the hugs and the warm words are such a waste of time.
Pre-wedding shoots, wedding shoots, honeymoon shoots, pregnancy shoots, baby shower shoots, delivery and first look shoots, first diaper, first step and so on without Facebook I would never know there is so much to my friend’s life.
Also before I forget I would never know how much my friends achieved if not for Facebook. Their cars, their girlfriends, their homes, these are things that are not to be actually shown but displayed on Facebook. Every day I met my friends on Facebook even if I actually haven’t met them for years, I am sure someday when I actually need them I will have all of them running to help me in real and not virtually.
Checking my emails make me happier, coming from a middle-class nothing can cheer me like my mail. The fact that I have limited finances is lost in the oblivion. Every company or bank wants to give me a credit card, that too without processing fees, they are ready to give me tickets to movies, discounts at petrol pumps and so many things. They have complete confidence in my ability to return that credit, something even my employer does not seem to have. They are so desperate to give me their credit card that I feel they almost want to make me their brand ambassador. I happened to go to the bank once for a small loan and they kept bothering me with documents, guarantees and so on, today banks are ready to give me pre-approved loans without guarantees, all I have to do is call their toll free numbers and the money will be in my account, it gives me so much more confident about my financial health, God knows why I keep investing in stupid mutual funds and insurances.
I have offers for every possible loan, car loan, home loan, personal loan, people even offer me loans to go abroad for vacations, I almost forget I was denied a student loan for lack of guarantees. I have offers to make my CIBIL or something score to look good so I can get a loan, I don’t know of such a score, I am sure someday I will want a loan and that day I will have it in my account as soon as I call the toll free numbers.
Just yesterday I helped a friend by transferring money to his account poor fellow went abroad and was cheated and looted, he has nothing to wear or eat and he could only get access to a computer and send me a mail for help. You know anyone can go through a bad time like this and without my mail, I would not know my friend is in trouble.
I have won so many lotteries in the last few months, I actually don’t even have to pay them for playing, my mail is automatically selected and I just have to give my account number, I gave them my account details and am awaiting the transfer, I am sure one day I will get the money and my account will show much more money than the mandatory minimum balance that I maintain through the month. My mail is also a single point source for me for all my weight loss worries and I just wonder why I go to the gym when I can sit in my office with a belt on and lose weight, or apply some lotion and get all my hair back, nothing gives hope like my mail.
My happiness has grown exponentially ever since I have downloaded what’s app, I am part of a hundred groups and I have like a hundred teachers, teaching me about every aspect of life with lessons in the form of forwards. They tell me about our culture, about how to live, the philosophy of life, the starting of civilization, the thought processes of great men and so on, the meaning of life is all there in these forwards, I never knew so many people are so sorted in life, God knows why people feel lonely and commit suicides when you can chat your heart out on what’s app. There are blood and kidneys available every now and then, there is new free cancer medicine, there is always some lost child not found for years and there is a personal note to every such message which appeals to my emotions. There is also a simple way to please the almighty too, just forward to twenty groups and God blesses you, why waste time going to temples when God is found in mobile phones.
My life has become so virtually happy that I have lost contact with the beautiful and real me who struggles for every small thing, whose wife or girlfriend is never happy with him, who has to stand in a line with forms for every single transaction. On occasions when I see a friend in REAL LIFE waving past me, I am searching for the Like button or a smiley and then I realize, hey this is not FB.
I have lost contact with the world that can be seen or felt and started living in a world that can virtually never be a reality.